Living Dangerously!

Let's play a game. It's called, "How many dangers can you find in this picture?"

Let's see...pant legs that are too long (tripping hazard), long hair obstructing vision, child under the age of two standing above ground level (on one foot, no less), child playing on metal bench not intended for toddler recreation (with wooden, splinter-ridden boards - horror!), muddy play surface (reduced-traction hazard)...

And let's not forget the worst one...trees...

"Wait, wait. Dangers," you may ask, "what dangers? All I see is a child having fun!"

Or at least, this is what you might say if you, like myself, are in the process of raising Free-Range Kids.

On the other hand, you may be one of the "others." You know, the parents who think their kids are living in the next "final Destination" sequel, with random, freak accidents lurking around every corner, lying in wait for your unsuspecting children...

But we all know that isn't reality, right? Right?

...

"But what if..." I know, I know. What if tragedy strikes. Then it would be just that: A tragedy. Indeed, it's something I don't really even want to think of when it comes to my children. In fact, I'll let you in on a little secret...

I used to be one of the "others."

Ok, ok, so it's no secret. Everyone knows I've had my helicopter moments. But I'm changing. Really. In fact, I'm committed to it, wholeheartedly, for the sake of my sanity, for the sake of my marriage, and most of all, for the sake of my children. I don't want them to be afraid of everything outside their front door. I want them to be happy and live fully. I want them to be KIDS while they still can, so they can grow into fine adults. I want to raise children who are rowdy, crazy, a bit spoiled, a bit more spirited, and very well-loved.

So, in the interest of spreading this new-found free-range wisdom, I'd like to demonstrate what "Free-Range Kids" might look like - so you can spot them in a crowd (and inform the proper authorities).















Now here's a child, about 22 month old, about to embark on a bike ride. Note the absence of parental assistance. This is a hallmark feature of the Free-Range Child.

Note that the child has successfully gotten onto the bike and is pedaling away. No intervention needed.
















Oh look, a child going for a walk...in heels...in his pajamas...

We'll just let this one speak for itself...


















This is a toddler in a bath tub. Free-Range Children often bathe in actual water, unassisted, and, in this case, are allowed to use the faucet. Crazy, I know.

















Now here is a picture of my son, almost two, helping me in the kitchen. He is cutting up butter into pieces for use in making a pie crust. Yes, that is an actual knife he is using, and it is sharp. He knows it is sharp, and knows how to use it carefully. He is also standing on a two-step step stool, and has excellent balance. You may be happy to know that he IS wearing a protective apron over his clothes. :)





NAKED BABY ALERT!














Haha, now this, I don't actually recommend, but with Free-Range Kids, this will often happen. Do not be alarmed. Just applaud him for his creativity and encourage some other, equally-fun, yet less dangerous activity such as jumping off the couch or playing with sticks.





















Ahh, now here we see Leonidas doing something else often seen in Free-Range Children: Eating. Note that he is holding his own food and getting incredibly messy...





















Actually, this was a watermelon eating contest. He did not win, but had fun in the attempt!



















Now THAT is satisfaction!


From these pictures, you can clearly see that Free-Range Kids can be found in several different arenas, enjoying several different activities, and worrying several different parents simultaneously. Feel free to point out the "dangers" in these pictures and warn everyone around you of what "could" happen. I probably won't be listening, since I will be beaming from ear to ear, listening to the laughter of babies and watching my children grow up happy, healthy, and FREE!

Lea's Fabulous Chicken Salad

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cooked, diced
1 stalk of celery, cut in half lengthwise then sliced
4 green onions, sliced
1 cup green grapes, quartered
1 granny smith apple, chopped
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1 cup homemade mayonnaise*
1 small lemon
1 tsp. apple cider vinegar
1/2 tsp. onion powder
2-4 Tbsp. agave nectar
Salt and pepper to taste
3 slices cooked bacon, crumbled

In a large bowl, mix chicken, green onion, celery, apple, grapes, and pecans. In a small bowl, mix mayonnaise, juice of lemon, apple cider vinegar, onion powder, agave nectar, salt, and pepper. Pour over chicken mixture, combine well, and chill. Serve with crumbled bacon on top.

* You can also use store-bought mayonnaise, but I like to make mine so I can tailor it to this recipe. For the mayonnaise, I put one egg, 1 Tbsp of apple cider vinegar, and a hefty pinch of salt in the blender. Blend, and, with the blender running, very slowly pour in one cup of vegetable oil, drop by drop at first, then more quickly at the end, until it is all emulsified and thickened (and looks like mayonnaise). If you notice oil rising to the top, stop adding the oil for a moment and let it work into the mixture completely before continuing to add more.

Why do I forget to blog?

Yes, once again, it seems I've forgotten that this blog exists. It's been four months now, during which time Ruby has recovered from being dropped, come through a case of presumed pertussis, survived having her shoulder popped out of the socket by her multi-tasking mother (oops), and has learned to crawl and stand up with the help of furniture. Leonidas has turned into quite the big brother himself, and despite their rocky beginning, my children have come to love one another. We have also survived our move to Hemet (along with Granny), and are doing quite well. We have also acquired two pet rats named "Kitty" and "Mayu-Mayu" (pronounced "My-you My-you"), and will soon be adding a pair of chickens for our egg-laying delight (more on that later). Other developments are in the works...more to come...but for now, that's us, in a nutshell. :)

Humpty-Dumpty

Latest news: The Infamous Baby-Dropping Incident of 2010.

Yep, that's right, I dropped the baby.

The story goes like this: On Friday morning around 8:00am I was giving Ruby a bath in the bathroom sink. I took her out and dried her off in a towel. Leonidas had just come out of the shower and was sitting on the potty. Well, he was wiggling around and trying to get off the potty and started to fall, so, while holding little Ruby in her towel, I reached over to make sure he didn't fall and POP, Ruby just popped herself right out of my arms and landed straight on the top of her head on the linoleum floor from a height of about four feet! My heart completely sank, and in that moment, I thought I had lost my precious baby girl. It sounded like a pumpkin being thrown to the floor. I had tried to grab her, but it was too late - she had hit. I quickly scooped her up while screaming something like, "OH MY GOD!" and calling for Brandon to help me. She began screaming and I laid her down on the carpet. I noticed there was baby poop splattered all over the bathroom, and I feared the worst. I'm not actually sure what happened, but I know my mom and Brandon were there helping me check her out. She was screaming and crying harder than I had ever seen her, and her neck and shoulders were all stiffened up. I was crying as hard as she was. We called 911 and an ambulance took her to the hospital across the street. She had a CT scan and they discovered a small skull fracture, so they transferred her over to the county hospital a few blocks away, where they had a pediatric neurologist available. We waited in that E.R. all day long until he finally meandered over to see us. There was no brain bleeding or swelling, so we were given the option of admitting her and keeping her there overnight for observation or taking her home to keep an eye on her. We decided to take her home; I wanted her to remain on me as much as possible, not stuck in a cold crib hooked up to monitors in an unfamiliar place where only one parent could be with her overnight and her brother couldn't even visit her at all. The doctor agreed with me. :) She is doing just fine now. The fracture should heal on its own - we just have to watch for certain things and take her back in if there are any complications. She just has a small bump and barely-noticeable bruise on her head and the beginnings of a black eye. She doesn't even seem to notice that anything happened. What a trooper!

Needless to say, I'm kind of scared to carry her around now. But all-in-all, we've come out alright. We are calling her "Humpty-Dumpty" now, and I think the name might just stick. One day, she'll be able to have the last laugh when someone jokingly asks if her mom dropped her on her head as a baby. ;P

Cry Baby...

I have been guilty of being an ungrateful mother. I find myself getting so upset when my babies cry. I get angry. I get frustrated. I get sad. I yell and I cry with them. Sometimes I just sit silently and ignore it for a second because I cannot take it any more - or so I think. Of course, I CAN take more, but I choose not to, because I'm selfish. I want my sleep. I want my Facebook. I want to fold laundry and cook dinner.

But then I am reminded of what I would miss. There was a woman on one of the message boards I frequent. She had a baby in April 2009, just like Leonidas. She told her story of her c-section birth. This child that was born was her second. She had a baby that was stillborn the year before. I remember in her story how she related that as they took her baby out of her stomach, she kept repeating to herself, "Cry. Please cry," because with her first baby, she never got to hear that beautiful cry. Just silence. I think of what must have been this deafening silence after buying baby clothes, decorating the nursery, and going through baby name after baby name trying to find the perfect one. Oh, how indescribably amazing that first little cry must have been! It made ME cry just to hear that her second child was born alive and healthy - and screaming his little head off!

When my babies start to cry - when they won't STOP crying for hours - let me not forget how beautiful a cry can be. Let me remember that there are people out there who would give all that they have just to hear their baby cry.

EC Adventures - Two at a time!

So our EC Adventures series has begun a new chapter: we'll call it "Tandem EC." EC with two is not all that much more difficult than EC with one - so far. Occasionally, they have both needed to go at the same time, in which case either Brandon and I each take one, or we just have a "miss" to clean up, but this doesn't happen too often (thank God).

Leonidas is very upset with me for having another baby, and consequently, has been refusing to go on the potty for me. He also seems to be completely unaware that he is going at times until after the fact, which is unusual for him. He has been wetting the bed 2 or 3 times a night, which he has never done. He does, however, like to pee outside and "water the grass", so when daddy is unavailable to take him to the potty, I let him play outside :) We have recently started putting his potty in the living room so he can sit on it himself, and this has seemed to help matters. Now if we can only get him to understand that his underwear have to come off first...

Ruby has been surprisingly easy in this respect. She cries or fusses when she has to go, and we are communicating very well back and forth. EC Rule # 807: Cues are more reliable than timing. The fact that your always-on-schedule-reliable-baby just peed and pooped three times in a row does not mean that she doesn't have to go again. That squirming means something - pay attention! This was a lesson hard-learned today.

Letting Go...Sort Of...

Letting Go.

These are two words that we often put together, hoping to be able to accomplish their meaning, but seldom finding the ability to even define what they mean, much less master their intent. There are multiple ways in which we use this phrase, from the Language of Letting Go to Let Go and Let God, but what does “letting go” really mean? And, if it really is something positive, how do we accomplish this?

I’ve been struggling with this one, and even as I write this I’m figuring it out, so please disregard any discontinuity in these paragraphs. This is pretty much just my mind thinking and writing as it goes, with no rough draft ☺

I find the phrase “letting go” to be kind of daunting. It seems to insinuate a relinquishing of control, and I HATE giving up control! Of course I do. I’m human. No human wants to give up control. That would be counterintuitive and most likely jeopardize our survival. We’re hard-wired to hate the very idea of surrender. Most people stop here when they think of defining the phrase “letting go” – then wonder why they can’t seem to get it right. “Why can’t I just let go?” “Just let go and let God.” “Just…” as if it were “just” that simple! Oh sure, that’s all there is to it, huh? Just completely ignoring all of my instincts and giving up? Sure, no problem! Why do we think that this should be simple? Or even remotely possible? I’ll not touch on the Biblical nature of this right now, but let it be known that I AM taking Biblical teachings into consideration here, and I see no support for this view, either in scripture or in nature.

So what are the other meanings to this phrase? What other factors come into play? You see, the very idea of “letting go” is ambiguous. On the one hand, it means giving up control, yet on the other hand, it may mean taking back control as well. How is that possible? Well, if one “lets go” of the constraints which define him and contain him, he can find freedom, which, in itself, is a form of self-control. I find it easier to incorporate this aspect into the definition of “letting go,” for a number of reasons, both spiritual and practical. Again, I’ll leave the theology out of this for now, but sum up by saying that I find more support for this view than for the former. Practically, however, this seems to be the only true way of “letting go” of anything. Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s simple. Letting go of our chains – especially those which we forged ourselves – can be almost as difficult as self-sacrifice. Actually, in a way, it IS a form of self-sacrifice. Even our fears define us, and without them, oppressive though they are, we are never quite the same.

As I said, I have been struggling with this concept lately. I am defined by a number of traits, both positive and negative. I don’t like to be one of those people who refuses to change and says, “Oh well, that’s just how I am.” I think that’s selfish, even though I know we all do it to some extent. Being able to see our own faults takes a great deal of discipline and mental contortionism; changing them takes nothing short of astral projection! Stepping outside oneself is essential if one is to even BEGIN on this road. And unfortunately, looking at ourselves is usually not pretty. I’m reminded of the swamp of sadness in The Neverending Story. It is easy to allow it to overtake you. If you decide to take a good, hard look at yourself without having a worth-while goal, you may get lost in what you see, and some people never make it out.

So on that happy note…what is our goal? How can we keep our heads above the water? Optimism helps, but this is something that usually just falls on one person or another, so we can’t all rely on that. Perhaps redefinition of self is the goal. It’s a big task, no doubt, but definitely not as scary as losing oneself altogether. When you are willing to redefine yourself, you don’t have to “lose” anything. You just gain more parts, really. Perhaps you are an angry person. You don’t need to lose that part – you simply gain the ability to control it and work with/through it. If you are a genuinely angry person, you may always be an angry person, but you can also be a self-controlled person, and that may make the difference. Afraid of crowds? So maybe you’ll always be somewhat afraid of crowds, but you can add the ability to deal with that fear. Of course, there are things that will have to be “let go” in the very real sense, but it’s easier to take it step by step.

So I’m not even remotely close to having this down yet, but I’ve been working on it. I have a lot of things that I’ve been needing to “let go” of. For one, I am a very angry, impatient person. Even writing that makes me angry! And honestly, I’m surprised I’ve had the patience to write this much! Now I don’t claim expertise in this of course. Out of 100 times a day that I need to “let go”, I probably manage to let go maybe 20 times. But who knows…tomorrow it may be 21 ☺ The point is, it’s a work in progress. There are ways to make the process easier, though. I’ll try to touch on a few of them that I’ve found.

First of all, watch your language. “I can’t”, “I have to”, “I can’t stand” – these all need to leave your vocabulary at once. Even “I am” statements need to be curbed. These all convey a sense of permanence to our own pitiful plight that sends us into the old habit of repeating the same mistakes, then defining ourselves by them. “I can’t stand it when the towels don’t match,” can become, “I prefer the towels to match.” The second one is much easier to deal with, don’t you think? Suddenly it’s just a “preference,” rather than an absolute that MUST be adhered to in order for you to keep your identity. Even the statement that I made earlier, “I am a very angry, impatient person,” can be changed to something like, “I tend to get angry and lose my patience easily.” Ahh, that feels much better, and didn’t make me angry! I can deal with “tend to.” “I am,” on the other hand, is so dreadfully permanent and doesn’t offer much hope for change. It’s amazing what changing a few words in our own vocabulary will do!

Second, please fail. Failing is ok. It doesn’t mean you have to start over. Just try again next time. And if need be, apologize, to whomever your failure may have affected. This is difficult for a lot of people, but with practice, it will get easier. And trust me, you’ll have plenty of practice!
Third, let go by holding on. Huh? Yeah, seriously. You have some tricks up your sleeve. When you find one that works, take note, and use it often. Hold on to that bag of tricks, and pat yourself on the back when you remember to use them. Share your success with others as well. It’s ok to brag a little. You’re not being overly-prideful. You’re simply being happy at your own little victories. Share the joy, and keep ‘em coming!

I know I’ve got more, but honestly, if you’ve read this far, I commend you. I wouldn’t have! Maybe I’ll put this in my book someday, if I ever finish it. It will be in a chapter entitled, “How Not to Screw Up Constantly,” or “Tricking Yourself into Not Being Yourself,” or some other cleverly-worded, eye-catching title that makes people think, “Hmm, how profound,” which is just another way of saying, “I have no idea what the hell that is supposed to mean.”