Real Life Parenting Experiment - Day 1...The Farmer's Market

Here it is, day one of the Real Parenting experiment. My goal: To document our days as they actually happen, without sugar-coating, without lying through omission, without fakebooking. This is life, the good and the bad, or at least, as much of it as I can capture with pictures :) Today is Saturday. This is how life went down...

The day started with Phoenix pooping on the floor next to the bed. Here is our SpotBot at work...best.investment.ever.

Oh yeah, and she also peed on the bed. I threw a towel over it. Don't judge me. I don't own a dryer, and I am not washing sheets today.

Consequently, Phoenix spent the rest of the morning in the bathtub...just in case...

This was the kitchen I woke up to this morning, so yeah, "real" breakfast wasn't happening.

                                              

Since it was just after 6:00am, and I am not a morning person, the kids had ice cream for breakfast. Because, well, because at 6:00am I DGAF. That's why. Ruby is thrilled.

This is the expression that says, "Mom, I love you so much for this, I just might cry."

As you can see, she already has silver teeth, so the sugar won't be an issue.

Here she is...Miss America! Me in all my morning beauty! Yes, I know, I'm gorgeous. Don't hate.

Around 9:00am I did finally have it in me to conjure up some green juice. My day was looking up.

On our way to the Farmer's Market! My dashing hubby, looking so...dashing.

This was Leonidas's "ninja style"...not so bad so far...as long as he's a ninja, he's happy.

Now, of course, I did not get ANY pictures of us at the Farmer's Market because my hands were full of bags, Brandon was off with the kids most of the time, and I really just wanted to get it over with. My kids at the Farmer's Market are not cute. They are insanity defined. There is no need for pictures...only escape with our lives.   

Dear Mom on the Playground

For all my free-rangers out there!

This just had to be done, really. In answer to "Dear Mom on the iPhone"...I am not the neglectful mother you believe me to be. There is method to my madness. I allow my children to play without me because that is WHY I take them to the park: To play with OTHER KIDS. They will never learn all the nuances of socializing and making friends from me. They simply do not work that way. They NEED to learn from other children, in uninterrupted free play on a regular basis. They need to fight with each other and learn how to resolve their problems. They need to fall a little bit and learn how their bodies work with gravity. They need to climb up the slide and walk down the ladder because THEY figured that out all on their own and THAT IS AWESOME. No, judgmental moms who give me dirty looks for sitting on the bench while my children fight with yours over a toy; it isn't that I don't care. It's that I care so much that I am willing to put my own fears and worries aside to allow my child the privilege - the right - to grow, unencumbered.



Dear Mom on the Playground,

I see you over there on the play structure, messing with your child's hair and making sure his shoelace is double-knotted.  It feels good to be involved in your child's life every moment of every day, doesn’t it?  You feel like a great mom, so engaged, you work hard, you teach them the proper way to do things, you tell them what to say and when to say it.

But Momma, let me tell you what you don’t see right now…..

Your little girl is staring longingly at another little girl on the other side of the playground.  She is such a shy little thing, and yet...she wants to know...who is that over there?  She keeps glancing her way to see if she is watching her, too.  

She isn't. You are blocking her view. 

Your little boy keeps shouting, “Mom, MOM watch this!” as his face beams with pride because he's just discovered that he can climb UP the slide ALL BY HIMSELF - no small feat, for sure! I see you scold him, telling him that that is not the way we play on the slide.  The stairs are for climbing.

He sees that too.  His shoulders slump, but only for a moment, as he looks for something else to challenge him...something that HE can figure out all on his own...to make you proud, instead of worried.

Now you are pushing your baby in the swing.  She loves it!  Cooing and smiling with every push.  You don’t see her legs though, do you?  They are kicking and trying to wriggle free. Her head is bent, her eyes on the ground beneath her, as she wonders what it would feel like to crawl around down there.  

Take her out.  Let her explore her world, Mommy.  The grass, the leaves fallen off the trees. Cheer her on when she comes near you and enjoy that look of wonder and pride that leaves far too quickly.

Put your eyes back on what's really important…Your kids.

Show them that they are competent and trustworthy. Wherever you go, give them some freedom, some control over their lives, the chance for creativity and growth. I am not saying it’s not ok to check in with your kids, but it can stifle their growth: Helicopter Beware!

Play time at the park will be over before you know it.
The childhood of your children will be gone before you know it.

They won’t always have the chance to play with other kids, Mommy.  They won’t always observe others and try to learn how friends are made, they won’t always call out, "Look what I figured out!”

There will come a point when they stop trying to make friends, stop exploring, stop bothering to try new things and solve problems.  

Because they know…

You’ve shown them, all these moments, that submission, over-cautiousness, fear, and co-dependence is more important than their learning.  They see you looking at them at while dropping them off at school, during playtime, at the dinner table, at bedtime…..

I know that’s not true, Mommy.

I know your heart says differently. But your kids can’t hear your words, Mommy. Your propeller is spinning way too loudly.

101 Uses for Breastmilk!

Just kidding. Only one. BUT it's a good one. :)

In my quest to eventually cut out most pasteurized dairy from our diets, I often run into the problem of...well, my children. Namely, their undying love for ice cream. This seems to be most pronounced when they're sick. Now, I may give in to a lot of requests, but ice cream after a full day of vomiting is not one of them. So what's a girl to do?

OMG! Epiphany! Breastmilk ice cream!!! It's perfect. I can use natural ingredients that will actually be HELPFUL to them instead of feeding them a bunch of chemical CRAP. Genius. AND I can make it in one-serving portions while letting the kids do most of the work. :) Wow. It's like medicine in ice cream form. Somebody stop me.

I used mommy's milk, or course, in addition to some raw honey for sweetener and organic vanilla extract for flavor. You can use any kind of flavoring you want, obviously, and sweetener, too, for that matter. I used the honey because of it's added medicinal benefits for my poor sick babies. :)

Here's the scoop, so to speak:

Mommy's Milk Ice Cream

Ingredients:
4 oz. breastmilk
2-3 tsp. raw honey
1/4 tsp. organic vanilla extract

Other Stuff You Will Need:
Small snack-sized or sandwich-sized storage bag (I used the Lansinoh breastmilk storage bags - works perfectly, and I don't have to worry about accidental opening)
Gallon-sized freezer bag
Ice
Salt

Start with all your stuff. Mix the milk, sweetener, and flavoring in the small bag. If using honey, I recommend having the milk at room temp (or better yet, just pumped). This will ensure the honey dissolves. Tried it with cold milk - the honey separated into a frozen clump at the bottom of the bag :/ Mix thoroughly!

Add ice and salt to the gallon bag. How much? Doesn't really matter. I used a tray of about 16 ice cubes and maybe 1/4 cup of salt?

Then put the little bag into the big bag, like so...

Then...SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE...for about five minutes (this is the part the kids like to do)...

Take it out when it feels pretty solid...

See...like this...a solid clump of ice cream (well, ice milk, if you wanna get all technical on me)...

Wahnanaaaaa! Ice cream that makes you all better!

Just dig right in...

Oh yeah. Feelin' better already!

The Truth About Parenting.

Frequently, I look around at the chaos all around me and think to myself, "Why didn't anyone tell me this parenting thing would be so hard?" Parenting is difficult. I mean really, REALLY difficult. I had no idea how many different FEELINGS I would be forced to feel and deal with in a single day. I mean seriously, daily struggles with highs, lows, and in-betweens that I never knew existed. Even a single minute could be filled with love and hate almost simultaneously. WHY DON'T THEY TELL YOU THIS WHEN YOU SIGN UP FOR THE JOB?!?!?! Ok, some try, but no one succeeds in expressing just how INSANE the whole thing is. I guess that's just how it is when you are responsible for another human being. Am I doing the best thing? Am I doing the worst thing? Is this helping? Hurting? What could I do differently? What should I keep the same next time? Is this even making a difference? Should I bother? But what if I don't? Will that be helpful, or harmful...

it.never.ends.

Happiness - Kids playing.
Joy - Kids laughing.
Anger - Kid 1 hit Kid 2.
Fear - Kid 2 is hurt.
Irritation - Kid 2's screaming is getting on your nerves.
Frustration - neither Kid 1 nor Kid 2 will respond to you.
Relief - Kid 2 is no longer hurt.
Content - Kids are playing again.
Excitement - Kids are playing with you and having fun.
Pride - Kid 1 is helping Kid 2 with no interference from you.
Sadness - Kid 3 just woke up and will not be consoled.
...

Ok. 5 minutes down.1435 to go...

To parents-to-be, someday-parents, and brand new parents, hear this now. This is the most exhausting, energizing, challenging, rewarding, exhilarating, frightening, enlightening, horrible, wonderful, stupid, intelligent, back-breaking, heart-wrenching, mind-boggling, hand-wringing, life-altering, death-defying, soul-searching, physical, intellectual, spiritual adventure you could ever - make that, never - imagine. Do it. You will not be sorry...except on days that you are. And even then, you'll get over it.

To all current parents: Keep fighting the good fight, brothers and sisters. One day, your kids will become parents. They will ask you what it is like to be a parent. Don't tell them. They won't believe you anyway.

Why I don't make my kids say...anything!

Hey, folks! I'm back. Admit it. You missed me. :)

So here's the thing. I REALLY don't want to be one of those moms who doesn't want anyone else to discipline her child...but I am. I mean, if everyone approached discipline the way I do, it would be a different story; however, they don't. And since I'm pretty particular about it, it bothers me to see other adults talking in a demeaning way to my kids. Mamma Bear breaks loose. There's blood. It's not pretty.

The sad thing is that most of these parents do not realize that the way they are talking to my children is something that I (and they) would term "demeaning." So there's the problem. How do you say, "Hey, stop treating my kid the same way you treat your kid because I think it's disrespectful and mean," without implying that the way they raise their own kids is disrespectful and mean? Well, you can't. So when this happens, I admit. I freeze. You've heard of "flight or fight"? Well, there's another "f" - freeze. That's what I do. Yep, I'd be dinner in the jungle, for sure. But I really am at a loss at times. Torn between not wanting to make enemies of the other parents in the playgroup or at the park, etc., and not wanting my kids to be treated like crap...I know, it shouldn't even be a question, right? Wrong. Either way, someone is getting hurt. But here's where I differ from most...

I HATE... I mean I really, really HATE the idea of telling kids to say...ANYTHING. "Say sorry", "say please", "say thank you", "say hello", "say bye-bye"..."what do we say?" Makes me cringe. Here's why. First of all, children don't take orders well. It's just not our nature. It's not how we learn best. We learn best by imitation. We learn LEAST through direct orders and "teaching." Telling a child to "say thank you" is far less effective than simply saying "thank you" yourself whenever you are thankful for something. That way, the phrase does not just become a mash of empty words. It has meaning. Children WILL begin to say "thank you", "please", and "I'm sorry", when they reach a developmental stage of being able to be truly thankful, pleased, or sorry for something. Is a child truly sorry if forced to say it? Probably not. That is called LYING. I will not teach my children to lie. It does NOT teach them to be polite, courteous people. It teaches them that (a) empty words fix things, (b) it is ok to lie if it gets you out of trouble or pleases someone else, and (c) these adults do not respect you because they are forcing you to say something you do not want to say. Want your kids to be polite? Be polite to them. Ask them to do things, rather than telling them. Say "please", "thank you", and "excuse me"...and mean it. It's not difficult. Stop over-thinking it. You have better things to do, I'm sure.

So no, you will never hear me tell my child to apologize for hitting, stealing from, yelling at, kicking, or stabbing your child. Get over that. If my child is truly sorry for his/her actions, he/she will show it. If not, well, guess what - "sorry" won't make your kid's knee stop hurting or put his toy back together again, nor will it make my child remorseful. Believe it or not, it is completely NORMAL for a child of 1, 2, 3, 4...even 5 or 6 years old to NOT feel remorse over every little wrong doing. Hell, most adults aren't "sorry" about half the things they do "wrong", for that matter. So if my three-year-old gets mad at your kid for telling him that he can't play with her, and he hauls off and hits her in the face in anger and doesn't feel sorry about it...that's normal. But, in many parents' minds I guess that makes my kid an asshole.

Sorry. :/

Intelligence.

I used to be intelligent.
I once knew the meaning of large words
Which now escape me.
There was a time when I could enter
A conversation on politics and history
And understand the connection
Between the two.
When I was much younger
I had a firm grasp
On physics and math
And things of that sort.
I knew grammar terms and usage
And I laughed at those who didn't.
Now, I am mom.
I know when someone uses incorrect grammar
But I can't tell you why
Or what part of speech they used.
I know where I stand, politically
Sort of
But I really couldn't tell you why
In any convincing manner.
I don't remember how many presidents we have had.
I don't remember the capital of South Dakota.
Mathematical symbols have escaped me.
And spell-check has become my crutch.
But for all I've forgotten,
I've learned a great deal in "mom."
I've learned what HCG is
And that you must have at least 25 ug/ml in your urine
Before you see those two blue lines.
I know the difference between a cramp and a contraction.
I can talk to my body and my baby
And control the intensity of my own labor
With complete confidence, control, and calmness.
I have learned the difference
Between a hungry cry and a peepee cry.
I know that kisses cure owies
If you get just the right spot.
And I know where that spot is.
I know that "My yove yoo" means "I love you,"
And that "Go away" means "Thanks, but I've got this."
I know how to communicate with my children without words.
I realize that this is sometimes better.
I've learned that I'm wrong.
A lot.
I've learned not to laugh at people who don't have all the answers;
Those who don't know how to spell
Or that it's "there" not "their"
Or that people "run quickly", they don't "run fast,"
Because although they might have lost these facts
They may have knowledge that is far beyond my comprehension.
They have feelings.
They deserve respect.
I forget this a lot.
But I've learned to remember.
Perhaps I can't talk about politics.
Perhaps I can't relate to "The 99%" or "The 1%"
Or even know why they do what they do.
Maybe I say the wrong word now and then
Or just sit in senseless silence
Because vocabulary has momentarily died in my brain.
But I'm still ok.
I have new facts.
I have new knowledge that transcends facts.
I used to be intelligent.
And despite outward appearances,
I still am.

All You Need is Love (dun da da da da)...

I just want to say that WHOEVER is reading this blog is my FAVORITE person on Earth. I think you are the absolute BEST parent, BEST son or daughter, and overall BEST person who ever existed. I am but dirt at your feet, unworthy of your greatness, and I scourge myself 3 times a day simply because I FAIL at being YOU. Thank you SO much for reading my lowly blog and bestowing your time and attention, however fleeting, upon me and my humble existence, O Great One. You can do or say no wrong, and I bow to your greatness.






















Argue with THAT, motherfuckers.

The Process of De-Parent-Ing

Yeah, so I totally made that word up. It's the only way I can describe what I see as a necessary process in raising our culture's kids. In an era of convenience and efficiency, children have become, according to most in our culture, a "difficulty." Wander through a bookstore and you will see dozens of titles related to methods of either controlling or fixing our children. Coupled with a misconstrued interpretation of religious values in a largely Christian culture, we seem to have the idea that children somehow start off damaged in some way, and nearly every parenting choice we make is some kind of effort to solve the problem of children. From birth, we are told to "encourage" our children to develop properly - tummy time, classical music, baby Einstein; black and white contrasting circles and stripes for newborns to stimulate their senses, bright, primary colors for infants and toddlers, tactile stimulation...only use certain words, foods, and activities to mimic their developmental stages...as if by NOT doing these things our children will fail to develop and remain perpetual infants! We are told how to teach them to roll over, crawl, walk, talk, read, write, and count to 10 - and we are offered a number of educational toys to help us do so. We are (unintentionally?) brainwashed to think that kids need us to make them develop normally. We are told that Mother Nature has no idea what she is doing, and that we must take over, for the good of our children.

This...is...bullshit.

There are a number of things that children will do, all on their own. With absolutely no prompting from us, children will:

1. Grow
2. Develop
3. Learn
4. Play
5. Eat
6. Sleep
7. Heal
8. Reproduce (eventually)
9. Empathize
10. Love

I promise.


We are a society that values individuality, efficiency, and competition. I'm not saying that these are bad qualities - but unchecked and unbalanced, they simply do not allow for children. We are a society focused on "getting things done" - getting to the end product - with, all-too-often, complete disregard for the method we use for doing so, when, in fact, this method is every bit as important as the final result. We have lost the value of leisure, pleasure, and even simple existence itself. We push our children aside and say, "Here, let me do that for you," instead of saying things like, "Please help me do this." The problem is NOT that our children want to help us wash the dishes, even though we are apparently (for some unknown reason other than the importance of washing dishes) in a terrible hurry; the problem is that we place too much value in breakable dishes.

When my child has a tantrum, it is not my job to put an end to it. He will not tantrum forever. He WILL (as long as I don't interfere with the process) learn to regulate his emotions through social learning and the natural development of brain cells. It is my job to see him through it. It is my job to find out why he is upset (because there is ALWAYS a reason) and it is my job to either help him accept the problem, help him find a solution to the problem, or just let him be upset about the problem for as long as he needs to. It is NOT my job, as a parent, to try and distract him, pacify him, discipline him, train him, or otherwise shut him up for the sake of not disturbing other people (who probably could do with a little more patience and self-regulation themselves) or in order to produce "well-behaved" children (which is something that has become a bragging right - a way to showcase your little pets to all your family and friends and say, "Look what a good parent I am - I've trained me a kid!").

Of course, our culture does not value intangibles. Not really. We spout Romantic ideals of love, happiness, and other equally bohemian scapegoats, but our actions speak much louder than words. We only value honesty because it keeps crime rates down and boosts public morale, which ups production. We value self-esteem because confident workers are hard workers. We value love and happiness - but only if we can squeeze them in while earning a good living so as not to depend on anyone besides ourselves for food and shelter. All children have physical needs and non-physical needs. The physical needs are things like food, shelter, clothing; the non-physical needs are things such as parental attachment, bonding, socialization, trust, love, emotional reciprocity, and security. We have become such a materialistic society that we place the highest value on the physical needs of the child, and neglect everything else. Don't believe me? Which do most Americans think is worse: A parent who works hard 40+ hours a week to feed and clothe their children, but has to send them to daycare and/or school to do so; or a parent who stays home or works minimal hours so they can be with their children, but has to depend on government aid for food and housing? Most people would tell the second parent to get off their ass and go to work. How many would tell the first parent to stay home? Why? The working parent is filling their child's physical needs, but - due to the completely backwards nature of our culture which forces parents to work without their children present - they are often forced to leave the bulk of non-physical needs in the hands of others. The second parent is filling their child's non-physical needs, but leaving the physical needs to be filled by someone else. Our society tells us that one is better than the other, but this is FALSE. ANYONE can give a kid food and a place to stay. Anyone. So why is it that we hold up the working parents who "sacrifice everything" for their kids - who work hard to give them food and shelter, which anyone can theoretically provide, but who are either forced to or choose to allow others to handle education and social development? And why do we condemn "lazy" parents who choose to stay home with their children, even if it means they have to depend on other people to help provide something as trivial as food? If, for example, I pay taxes and do not send my kids to public school, am I not in the same position as someone whose taxes go to another's food stamps? Sure, maybe parent A cannot afford to feed his/her kids. Maybe he/she chooses to earn less income. Maybe the cost of childcare would be more than that parent could earn at a full-time job. What if parent B works full-time and sends his/her kids to public school. Isn't parent B using government money to partially "raise" their kids just as much as parent A? One uses public funds to provide food, while the other uses them to provide education. I don't see people ranting about that - not that they should. Apparently most people in this country think that education is so important that it needs to be provided for by the government...but food doesn't? Is feeding a child less important than educating one? Now, don't get me wrong. I am NOT saying that we should take away public schooling. And I am not - repeat NNNNOOOOTTTT saying anything negative about working parents who send their kids to daycare and/or public school. What I AM saying is that people who send their kids to glass elementary schools shouldn't throw stones at the starving kids down the street. I am a big fan of the village it take to raise a kid, but when most of the people in that village are not interested in raising children, that becomes a problem. The process of de-parenting has to occur on a national scale, because unfortunately, our society, as it stands, is NOT kid-friendly, and whether we like it or not, kids will rule the world someday.

Tofu-Tempeh Dip

You can easily make this vegan by substituting vegan cheese and mayo.

Tofu-Tempeh Dip

1 block (12 oz.) extra-firm tofu
1 block multigrain tempeh
1 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1/4 cup nutritional yeast
1 cup mayonnaise
1 large or 2 small tomatoes, diced
1/4 cup diced dill pickles
10-20 sprays bragg's liquid aminos
1/4 cup salsa
1 Tbsp. brown sugar
2 Tbsp. white whine vinegar
2 Tbsp. hemp seeds
2 tsp. salt
Olive oil or butter

Cut tempeh into cubes and boil 10-15 minutes. In olive oil or butter, saute crumbled tofu with liquid aminos until golden brown. Combine all ingredients and mix until well-combined. Serve chilled with crackers.

Flowers in the Crockpot

Just another parenting "aha" moment. Leonidas was standing on a chair next to the table and he grabbed some flowers out of the vase on the table. He was smelling them and saying how beautiful they were. Then he lifted up the lid of the (empty and unplugged) crockpot and said, "I put flowers in there?" I immediately said, kindly, "No, silly, flowers don't go in the crockpot; they go in the vase."

I immediately regretted saying this.

No, he didn't get upset or throw a fit (those of you who know Leonidas are already asking this question, I'm sure). In fact, he put them back into the vase. And it saddened me. Where was his warrior spirit? Where was the protest?

I felt as though I had broken my son.

Here he was, two years old, and thinking outside of the box, so to speak. He was being creative! He was using his imagination to make that crockpot beautiful and I CRUSHED it. Who cares if there are flowers in the crockpot? Are the crockpot gods going to knock on my door and give me a citation? Maybe the flowers would have looked nice there. What if, some day, when he's grown, and he has a house of his own, and he gets a bouquet of flowers, but doesn't have a vase to put them in - or anything similar - will he think,"Hmm, maybe I could put them in the crockpot. They might look quite lovely there," or will he think, "Damn, I have no place to put these flowers. I'll have to throw them away"??? What if I hadn't just given him the "Flowers don't go in the crockpot" schema, and when he's older, he creates beautiful crockpot floral displays whose uniqueness and universal appeal make him wealthy beyond his wildest dreams? What if I just destroyed his dream?!

Ok, ok, a little too Butterfly-Effect on that one, but you get the idea.

The point is, I just sacrificed a tiny portion of my child's creativity for the sake of...what? Some prissy notion of "that's not the proper place for that", the foundations of which escape me completely and the logic behind which is almost just as elusive?

I say go ahead, child, you put those flowers in the crockpot and display them proudly! Let them bloom like the creative, intelligent individual you are, and make way for more out-of-the-box thinking to come, because flowers in the crockpot, child, are just the tip of the ice burg.

Multigrain Blueberry Pancakes

I adapted these from a Joy of Cooking recipe and turned them into a slightly healthier version :)

Multigrain Blueberry Pancakes

1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup blue corn meal
1/4 cup ground flax seed
1/4 cup organic sugar
1 1/4 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
1 1/4 cups cultured coconut milk
1/2 cup hemp milk
1/4 cup coconut oil
2 eggs, separated
1 cup fresh blueberries

In a large bowl, mix together flours, corn meal, flax, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. In a small bowl, mix coconut milk, hemp milk, coconut oil, and egg yolks. Whisk until well-combined. Add to dry ingredients and mix until just combined. Do not over-mix. With an electric mixer, beat egg whites on high speed until stiff peaks form. Gently fold into batter until almost fully incorporated. Add blueberries and fold in until just mixed. Makes about 10-12 pancakes.

Vegan Healthy-ish Cupcakes

Vegan Healthy-ish Cupcakes

1 cup organic, vegan sugar
1/2 cup organic shortening
2 Tbsp. ground flax seed
2 tsp. vanilla
1 cup flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1 1/4 cup soy milk (or other vegan milk, such as almond or hemp)

Grease and flour muffin tin and preheat oven to 350F. Mix ground flax seed with 1/4 cup of water and let sit for about 5 minutes until it gels. Combine milk and vanilla and set aside. Combine flours and baking powder and set aside. With electric mixer, beat shortening and sugar on high speed until fluffy, about 5 minutes. Add flax seed mixture and beat until well-combined. With mixer on low speed, add flour mixture in 3 parts alternately with milk mixture in 2 parts (i.e., add some flour, some milk, some flour, the rest of the milk, and the rest of the flour), mixing until just combined in between each addition. Don't over-mix. Fill muffin tin and bake for about 30 minutes (ok, the time is a guess - I baked them until they were done). They are done when they bounce back slightly when pressed in the middle. Let cool and frost with vegan frosting, below.

Vegan Frosting:
1/2 cup vegan shortening
1/4 cup soy milk (or other vegan milk)
2 lbs. organic powdered sugar
1 tsp. vanilla

Not rocket science. Mix all ingredients. There you go. You may need more or less powdered sugar, so have extra on hand, especially if you use homemade food coloring, which might thin it out.

Colorful, Cancer-Free Cupcakes!

Well, since we've decided to stop flooding our bodies with all sorts of chemicals, including artificial dyes, I thought our dessert-life would be a bit bland. SO NOT TRUE! Not with the discovery of homemade food coloring :) Yes, using only natural food sources, you, too, can have colorful cupcakes like the ones pictured below. Here's how I went about it:

Red Cabbage Food Coloring:

Red cabbage can be used to make not one, but four different colors! I simply boiled a head of red cabbage (cut up) until it was cooked through (this serves two purposes, since we also ate the cabbage for dinner). Then, I took the remaining purple-colored water in the pan and boiled it down until it was reduced by half, and there's the dye. No, it does NOT make the food taste like cabbage. I promise. One thing I might to differently is boil it down even more to make the color more concentrated and thus, give a darker hue to the food. I had to use a fair amount for the frosting I made, and it watered it down, so I had to add more powdered sugar, which diluted the color, so I think a more concentrated liquid would equal a more vibrant color. I'll work with this.

Now, one you've got it boiled down, you can change the color of the liquid by adding an acid or base to it. Just add a little vinegar to make it pink. Add a small amount of baking soda to make it blue, and add a larger amount of baking soda to make it green. Leave it alone for purple. You can adjust the hue as much as you want. Add to much baking soda? Add a little vinegar to make your green dye turn blue again. It's that simple. CAUTION: Adding vinegar or baking soda makes it kind of erupt like a volcano. Use a big enough bowl!

So, now that we have pink, purple, blue, and green, let's make some other colors:

Yellow: Add dry turmeric for a bright, curry-yellow color. Stale turmeric has less flavor, but honestly, I didn't notice much flavor in it anyway. Maybe a hint, but only because I was looking for it.

Orange: I tried using saffron soaked in water to get orange. It made a dull yellow. BUT, I added it to the pink I made and got orange, so there you go.

Black: I haven't tried this with frosting, but I've used it to dye eggs and it worked well. Boil a pound of black beans and then boil down the resulting black liquid to make black dye. I haven't tried it in frosting yet, so I may be updating that one soon.


And voila! Beautiful colors, all-natural and mmmmmm good :)

Lea's Amazing Vegan Shortbread

This is a pretty basic shortbread recipe, adapted from The Joy of Cooking (1997) to use vegan ingredients. Although shortbread usually depends on the flavor of butter to give it its characteristic taste, this was surprisingly delicious without!

Lea's Amazing Vegan Shortbread

10 Tbsp. vegan shortening
1/2 cup organic powdered sugar
2 Tbsp. organic sugar
1 1/2 cups organic flour

Cream the shortening and sugars until very fluffy. Add flour and mix on low speed just to combine. Gather the dough (it will look crumbly at first) into a ball and knead briefly, then press into an 8" x 8" pan and bake at 325F for 45-60 minutes, just until it barely begins to brown. Let cool until just warm to the touch, and cut or break into squares/peices.

Lea's Original Dessert Chili!

Ok, so I've had some requests. For all of you who've asked, here it is:

Lea's Original Dessert Chili

2 cups cooked red beans
6 apples
3 pears
2 cans tart cherries (in water)
2 mangoes
1 cup red wine
1 cup organic sugar (make sure it's vegan-friendly if you want vegan chili)
1/2 cup rolled oats
1 tsp. chili powder
4 cinnamon sticks

Peel, core, and chop apples and pears. Peel mangoes and dice. Put the oats into a food processor and process until finely ground. Add all ingredients to crock pot and cook on high for at least 3 hours. Serve with Lea's Amazing Vegan Shortbread and (if you're not concerned with the vegan part) some sweetened whipped cream!

Why You (Probably) Didn't Really Need a C-Section

Oh yes. I'm going there. Hate me if you will. I know I'm stepping on a lot a toes here, but if only one woman makes a change for the good of her and her baby because of it, it'll be worth it. I'm just so tired of hearing women talk about how they "needed" an "emergency" c-section and how they would not have been able to have their baby vaginally. The truth is, there is absolutely no need for a 30% c-section rate. Most women I know did not choose to have an elective c-section out of convenience; they were told that they needed one. This is a lie. Most "emergencies" are caused by hospital interventions and procedures in the first place. If you honestly couldn't push out your baby (for a number of reasons I'll list below), chances are it had nothing to do with your build, size, or capabilities as a mother, and had everything to do with your environment. Now don't get me wrong - emergencies DO happen - but they are extremely rare. Women tend to get offended when I say something like this, but really, I'm not saying anything negative about the women who have these unnecessary sections. I'm not saying that these women have done anything wrong. I'm saying these women have been lied to.

1. "My baby wouldn't fit." - This is VERY unlikely. The vast majority of women don't have babies that are too big to fit through their pelvis. The reason so many women have the trouble of "fitting" a big (or even not-so-big) baby is because they usually are made to push on their backs, either because of having an epidural, or because that's what they're told they have to do. This is the WORST position to push out a baby! Lying on one's back decreases the pelvic opening by up to 30%! If you were standing, squatting, or on your hands and knees, your 11-lb. baby probably would not have had to be cut out of your body.

2. "My baby was breech." - Vaginal birth is actually much less risky than c-sections in most breech cases (and current research is finally supporting this - something midwives have known all along). One problem is that many OBs are not trained in vaginal breech births anymore. Then there is the looming threat of malpractice suits, a threat which seems to, more often than not, take the decision-making process out of the hands of the patient. C-sections should be the last resort, and since they started out that way, most people (erroneously) assume they still are, so that if something goes wrong during a section (which happens more frequently than during a vaginal birth), people assume the doctors did everything they could, chalk it up to fate or chance, and leave the lawyers out of it. Unless your baby is completely sideways (a rare occurrence), most breech babies CAN be safely born vaginally.

3. "When they finally sectioned me, the baby had the cord wrapped around his neck 435 times!" - It is not uncommon for the baby to be born with the cord around the neck, even several times. It's actually pretty normal. You just slip it off as the baby comes out. No big deal.

4. "My baby was stuck." - This is often what people say when they mean the baby had shoulder dystocia. This is something that can often be remedies using a number of techniques, the most effective being the Gaskin Maneuver, which requires the women to get onto her hands and knees...however, if you've had an epidural (often the first in a long line of mistakes), this may be impractical (but NOT impossible). Of course, if you were allowed to labor in a secure, calm, familiar environment without being attached to machinery, you probably wouldn't have "needed" the epidural anyway, but that's another rant...

5. "My baby was in distress." - Oh really? How do you know that? Heart-rate drop? (a variation of normal in most births, but often misinterpreted thanks to continuous fetal monitoring). Or perhaps the baby was in distress due to the pitocin (the effects of which you can't feel, thanks to the epidural - no such luck for the baby, who feels every single abnormally strong contraction). These are all risks of pitocin and epidurals, by the way (you'll see them on the paper you had to sign). Babies are often thrown into distress because of the interventions they are unwillingly subjected to, leading to a truly unnecessary emergency c-section. Sure, your section may have been an emergency, but there may not have been any emergency at all if you had not been lied to and/or bullied into these interventions in the first place.

6. "I had complete placenta previa, my placenta had detached and was delivered before the baby, and the baby was sideways, sticking out an arm and waving to everyone in the room." - Ok, you needed a c-section.

Why You Probably Didn't r

Gardening Adventures - Week 10

Just a quick update on my gardening progress...

We have BEANS!!! Yes, there are purple beans on my little plants, and they are beautiful :)



I also have the beginnings of soybeans...



Some flowers starting up on my pumpkin plants...


And my onions, hanging in there nicely...


While the broccoli just keeps on growing, slowly but surely...


And here's someone else enjoying our garden...


I honestly can't believe I'm growing things right now...

Gardening Adventures - Week 9

I know, it's been too long since I've been on here. My garden is still growing, albeit rather slowly.

I transplanted my broccoli, jalapenos, and onions. My onions are doing ok, but like everything else, growth is slow.



Most of my broccoli died, but I have three little sprouts that hung on for dear life, and they are getting more leaves and growing a bit, but are still just sprouts. I'm still hopeful.



The peppers...they seem to be stuck, not growing but not dying. Not sure what to think about that.



My corn is still growing, but not near harvest yet.



My carrots I thinned a little, and they are doing great.



The pumpkins are still slow growing, but steady.



My soybeans finally have teeny, tiny buds on them and may flower this week.





The best of all are the purple beans, which have lovely flowers coming out now and are by far the healthiest things in the garden (besides the weeds).




I also found purslane growing in both front and back yards, which makes me happy (I'm on a bit of an edible weed kick lately).

Oh, and the craziest part: the rose bushes we tore out of the ground to make room for the garden.

We tore them out and shoved them (in pieces) behind the a/c unit, and it has apparently re-planted itself there and is thriving! I guess life really does find a way :)

Free-Rangin' at the Park

For those of you who may not know, aside from being the last day of the Earth's existence (haha, yeah, that was totally sarcasm), today was also the second annual "Take Our Children to the Park...and Leave Them There Day." Of course, being the parent of free-range children that I am, I participated, albeit in a modified way, in this mini-holiday.

Wait, wait, now before you call CPS...NO, I did NOT leave my two children, ages 25 months and 10 months, at the park by themselves.

Actually, I did what I do every time I take them to the park: I sat down on the grass and let them go off and play by themselves. Ruby never goes far - she plays in the grass or eats the dirt, or what have you, lost in her own little world and happy as a lark. Leonidas goes off to play on the playground equipment, climbing up the steps, rings, chains, bars, and slides...then climbing or sliding down, and doing this over and over and over again, happy as can be. So I suppose, this was really no different than any other day at the park. It just had purpose.

I wondered how many others were there under the same pretense. There did seem to be an unusual amount of parent-less children running about, but I had never been to this particular park, so that could have been the norm. As soon as we got there, he was befriended by an eight-year-old named Marilyn, who became his mother-for-the-day. He had so much fun! He learned a lot from Marilyn - how to climb up the ladder, how to go down the slide without scraping his stomach (after scraping his stomach the first time), and how to slow himself down on the swings without falling off.

In addition, for the first time in the history of his two years of park-going experience...Leonidas fell off the playground equipment!

Haha, it was fabulous! Don't worry, he's fine. He was fine within one minute of falling. He would have been fine without me, although I walked over to him anyway to make him feel more secure. He was climbing down the metal ladder, and had only gotten down one rung from the top before he tried to reach the next rung, found he was too short, and slipped off, falling down to the bottom level of the whole contraption. He landed well, didn't hit his head, and his "new mother" was instantly there, and eight-year-old savior, to apologize for not being there and to make sure he was not hurt. I held him for a minute, sat down with him, and after another minute, he was off...climbing the ladder again. Guess what - he learned what NOT to do when climbing up and down the ladder, and climbed it flawlessly at least a dozen times before we finally went home. On the way home, he told me, "My fall on the slide." "You fell off the slide at the park?" I asked him. "Yeah," he said, "my fall. My got hurt on the slide. My ok now. My happy." I think that pretty much summed it up.

I'm glad he had fun at the park with his friends. I'm glad he fell. I'm glad he learned from it with no permanent damage done, and I'm glad he's smarter and stronger from the experience. Of course, it HURTS me to see my babies get hurt, even for a moment. But it's so amazing when they come out of it healthy, strong, and above all, HAPPY. I am thankful for the opportunity to be able to give my child a lifetime of free-range moments of learning and laughter. And who knows, maybe next year when he's three, he'll be able to take the bus to the park himself, buy lunch for all his friends, then find a kindly-looking stranger to give him a ride home...

Totally kidding.